Your baby offers
you a snack.
Do you eat it?
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Read the transcript
The full narration of the video.
Your baby holds a cracker up to your mouth. You open wide, pretending to bite. He snatches it back and giggles. You take a real bite. His lip wobbles, and he cries.
Same cracker. Why such different endings? So when a baby offers a cracker, don't bite just yet. That reach can mean three different things. Most grown-ups assume: at my mouth means it's for me.
People who study babies found that's only one of them. Think of it this way: the cracker is a ball. He can show it, fake a pass, or really pass it. First, the show. He holds the cracker up in front of you, gripping it tight.
It means: Look what I've got! One study visited twenty-five babies every month. It first showed up around seven months; by ten months, half the babies did it.
Bite now, and you've grabbed a treasure he only meant to show you. Next, the fake pass. The cracker comes toward you, you reach, and he pulls it back. British psychologist Vasudevi Reddy studied this kind of baby teasing. She saw it in babies as young as eight months.
He does it again and again, watching your face for a reaction. If the grown-up gets upset, babies rarely try it again. He isn't after you eating it. He's after the look on your face.
On a court, a fake pass fools the other team; a baby's fake pass is to make you laugh. Take a real bite, and you've eaten the game. That's likely why he cries, though no study has tested it directly. Last, the real pass. He puts the cracker in your palm, lets go, and doesn't want it back.
This time he's truly sharing. The University of Washington ran an experiment: a stranger "accidentally" dropped fruit out of reach, and stretched toward it. Among nineteen-month-olds, fourteen of twenty-four picked it up and handed it over.
Another group was tested right before mealtime, hungry. Nine of twenty-four still gave it. When the grown-up tossed it on purpose and didn't reach, almost no baby handed it over. So on a real pass, take a tiny bite, or say thank you and hand it back. Either is fine.
How to tell? Watch his hand. Gripping tight is a show; reaching then pulling back is a fake; letting go is the real pass. Not sure? Open wide, go "nom" — and don't really bite. If he laughs and pulls back, play another round; if he presses it into your palm, it's really for you.
Most of the time, a baby holding out a cracker is talking to you, not feeding you. How old was your baby the first time they held food to your mouth, then pulled it back?
In one line
Don't bite yet. Watch the hand. A held-out cracker can mean three things: look what I've got, a tease, or a real share. Only the last one means "eat it."
What you think
vs. what's going on
it's for me.
three meanings.
Think of the cracker as a ball. A baby can show it, fake a pass, or really pass it.
Show, fake,
real pass
On a fake pass,
he wants your face
British psychologist Vasudevi Reddy studied babies who tease like this. Every family has seen the four things she noticed.
On a court, a fake pass fools the other team; a baby's fake pass is to make you laugh. Take a real bite and you've eaten the game. That's likely why he cries, though no study has tested it directly.
On a real pass,
even hungry babies give
The University of Washington tested 19-month-olds. A stranger "accidentally" dropped fruit out of reach and stretched toward it.
handed it over
Babies can tell who really wants it. On a real pass, take a tiny bite, or say thank you and hand it back. Either is fine.
Next time a cracker
reaches your mouth
Why babies keep handing you things: Why do babies keep handing things to mom?
a baby holding out a cracker
is talking to you, not feeding you.
Quick check
Your baby holds a cracker to your mouth, then pulls it back when you reach and giggles. What's most likely going on?
It's a fake pass: the ball comes toward you and pulls back. He wants your face, not your bite.
