What joke
works best
on a first date?
who is memorizing jokes tonight
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The full narration of the video.
On a date, what makes people laugh usually isn't a joke. Plenty of people memorize a few jokes before a first date. They tell one at dinner, and get a polite little smile. No joke makes everyone laugh, every time.
Someone once eavesdropped on people in streets and malls, writing down the line right before each laugh. Take a guess: out of ten laughs, how many followed a joke? The answer: only one or two. For the rest, the line before was totally ordinary, like "Oh, you're here too" or "See you later."
So where does laughter actually come from? The clue is in one detail: the person talking laughs more than the person listening. So a laugh is more like a greeting. It means: I'm with you.
On dates, someone put this to the test. Single college students who'd never met were paired up, left alone in a room, and told to chat for ten minutes. Afterward, each one privately filled out a form: would I want to date this person?
The more the man tried to be funny, and the more the woman laughed, the more she wanted a date. But the clearest sign was the two of them laughing at the same moment. The more that happened, the more both of them wanted to meet again. It's a bit like badminton. A memorized joke is one person serving, then waiting to see if it comes back.
Laughing together is a rally. You say something, they laugh and toss one back, and the rally keeps going. A good game isn't about a fancy serve. It's about how many times it goes back and forth. It has a name: shared laughter. Two laughs starting at almost the same second, overlapping, each one pushed bigger by the other.
The serve is tossing out a funny line. The return is them laughing or adding one. The rally is back and forth, laughing more and more. So what should you actually say on a first date? Talk about the little things you're both seeing right now: a weird name on the menu, both of you starting to talk and stopping at once, the waiter handing your milk tea to the next table.
You don't need to memorize these. They were there too, so they can catch it right away. One kind to skip: jokes at their expense. A mocking sense of humor is a bad sign for a relationship. It's fine to laugh first at your own line. Laughter is contagious, so if you start, they'll find it easier to join.
Of course, this only looked at the first ten minutes. Laughing together means you click. Whether it works out depends on more than that. Next date, notice the moment you both burst out laughing. It tells you more than any memorized joke. Is there someone in your life you just can't stop laughing with for no reason?
Ten laughs,
one or two after a joke
One researcher listened in on people chatting on streets and in malls, and wrote down the line said right before each laugh. Out of ten laughs, only one or two came after a joke. The rest followed lines as plain as "Oh, you're here too" or "See you later."
No joke makes
everyone laugh.
A laugh is
like a hello
One more detail: the person talking laughs even more than the person listening. So a laugh is not only "that was funny." It is more like saying "I'm on your side."
Why a line is funny at all: funny because it doesn't fit.
The ten-minute room
Pairs of single college students who had never met sat alone in a room and chatted for ten minutes. Afterward, each one privately filled in a form: do I want a date with this person?
The more he tried to be funny and the more she laughed, the more she wanted a date. But the best sign was the two of them laughing out loud at the same moment: the more often that happened, the more both wanted to meet again.
Like badminton:
count the rally
This is called "shared laughter": two people start laughing within about a second of each other, the laughs overlap, and each one pushes the other bigger. The serve is a funny line. The return is the other person laughing or adding a line. The rally is the back-and-forth, laughing more and more.
Where it differs: badminton has a winner. Laughing together does not.
So what to say?
What's in front of you
You don't need to memorize any of this. They were there too, so they can catch it.
One kind to skip
The room study only looked at the first ten minutes. Laughing together says you click; whether it works out depends on more.
you both laugh
at the same time.
It says more
than any
memorized joke.
Quick check
On a first date, what best predicts that both people want to meet again?
Like badminton, it's not the fancy serve but the rally: the more they laughed together, the more both wanted another date.