Why does your cat pick one person?
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You feed the cat, but it clings to someone else. You walk in, and it slips past your feet and hops onto someone else's lap. Plenty of cats are like this: they know everyone at home, but there's often one favorite.
So how does it pick that person? Is it whoever feeds it? Not really. Plenty of cats eat, then wander off to someone else. Whoever is home the most? Not that either. Some people are always home, and the cat still avoids them.
Men or women, young or old? Researchers found cats don't choose by any of that. What it chooses is how you treat it. One cat researcher visited home after home, noting every time who made the first move, whether the other said yes, and how long they stayed together.
He found something backwards. The more often a person succeeded in starting things, the less total time they spent with the cat. The bigger the share the cat started, the more time they had together.
How long it lasts is the cat's call. Think of it as table tennis. The cat serves, you return it cleanly, and the rally goes on and on.
Keep grabbing the serve, and it puts down its paddle and leaves. What does a cat's serve look like? Tail up as it walks over, a head rub on your leg, a meow, or a long, slow blink. That's your cue to return it: offer a finger to sniff, then stroke its cheeks and chin.
The moment it turns away, you stop. Over time, it learns: with this person, the ball never drops. Once it picks you, it treats you a lot like a kitten treats its mother.
Kneading your lap is the move kittens make while nursing. So is meowing: adult cats rarely meow at each other, so that meow is mostly saved for people. So the answer stings a little.
The person a cat clings to is often not the most eager one, but the one most willing to wait. Without noticing, that person has already waited for it many, many times. If you're the one left out, don't worry. Starting today, let it come to you.
Every cat is different, of course. Cats that met few people as kittens take longer. Is your cat's favorite the one who feeds it, or the one who bothers it least?
In one line
A cat's favorite is often not the most eager person, but the one most willing to wait.
Plenty of cats know everyone at home but have one favorite. What decides it isn't who feeds them. It's who lets them come and go on their own terms.
Not food, not hours,
not age or gender
When older people or women seem more popular with cats in studies, it's because of how they behave around cats, not their age or gender.
The backwards finding
from home videos
Cat researchers visited home after home, noting who made the first move, whether the other said yes, and how long they stayed together.
The harder people chase, the less time they get. The more the cat starts, the longer it lasts.
How long it lasts is the cat's call. Older owners reach out less often, but each visit lasts longer. Researchers suspect they more often wait for the cat to come first.
Like table tennis:
let the cat serve
The cat serves, you return it cleanly, and the rally goes on and on. Keep grabbing the serve, and it puts down its paddle and leaves.
A cat's serve looks like this:
Here's how to return it:
In real table tennis the serve takes turns. Not here: the more the human serves, the shorter the rally.
Once you're picked,
you're a bit like mom
Kneading your lap is the move kittens make while nursing. So is meowing: adult cats rarely meow at each other, so that meow is mostly saved for people.
One thing
not to rush
Quick check
One person feeds the cat every day, but the cat keeps clinging to someone else. What's the most likely reason?
Like table tennis: whoever lets the cat serve and returns it cleanly gets the longest rallies, and the cat's loyalty.
