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Judge people by
what they give up,
not what they say

For anyone brand new to it · eight sentences from 2,300 years ago, one situation each
No. 11Thinking ClearlyPart 1 of 12
1

The short version

To understand someone, don't ask who they are. Wait for their situation to change, and see what they give up first.

This isn't a new invention. 2,300 years ago, a Chinese book called the Lüshi Chunqiu (Master Lü's Spring and Autumn Annals) boiled it down to eight sentences, each aimed at one kind of situation.

2

How is this different from how you usually judge people?

USUALLY
Listen to what he says, see how well he behaves
The problem: talk is free, and behavior can be faked. When someone needs you, he is bound to be nice to you, and almost everything you see in that stretch is what he wants you to see.
THESE EIGHT
Wait for a change, see what he drops first
He suddenly gets rich, suddenly gets promoted, suddenly hits rock bottom. Every change forces him to re-rank things: what to keep first, what to throw out first. That ranking can't be faked, because it costs him something.

In short: what you watch is not his attitude but his trade-offs.

3

The eight sentences

The originals are in classical Chinese, eight characters each. For each one below: first the line itself (translated literally), then plain talk, then a concrete picture.

No. 1
When all goes well, watch whom he honors
Things go his way: watch how he treats old acquaintances
He just made some money, or pulled off a big deal. Now watch how he treats the people who suffered alongside him before: still the same as ever, or suddenly putting on airs?
No. 2
When he rises high, watch whom he promotes
He gets promoted: watch whom he lifts up
Once he's the boss, whom does he pull up? Pulling up people who get things done means he wants results; pulling up people who tell him what he wants to hear means he wants to feel safe. This one is far more telling than listening to his talk about values.
No. 3
When he grows rich, watch what he nourishes
He gets rich: watch where the money goes
Money is the most honest thing there is. Where it goes shows what ranks first in his heart: not what he says he values, but what he actually pays for.
No. 4
When you hear him out, watch what he does
Don't stop at what he says; look at what he does
He said a lot. And then? There are three down-to-earth tests: have him spend money once, hand him a task, and if neither is clear, just wait. Anything faked can't outlast time.
No. 5
When he rests, watch what he loves
He has free time: watch who gets it
Work hours are forced on him and reveal little. Where he spends the hours he controls himself is the life he really wants.
No. 6
When he gets familiar, watch what he says
Once you know each other well: watch how he talks
Everyone is polite in front of strangers. After you've gotten close, does he stay tactful, or start saying anything, gossiping behind backs, and turning things people told him in confidence into small talk?
No. 7
When he is poor, watch what he refuses to accept
He hits rock bottom: watch what money he won't take
Note the word "refuse": don't look at what he takes, look at the one thing he would rather suffer than take. The line a person can still hold when he needs the most is his real line.
No. 8
When he is lowly, watch what he will not do
He's at the very bottom: watch what he won't do
Same idea with "will not do." What a person still won't do when he's cornered with no way out isn't a strategy. It's the shape of who he is.

The first six look at what he wants when he's on top; the last two look at what he holds onto when he's down. See both ends and you pretty much know the person.

4

Why does this work?

Because what it tests has a cost. Talk is free, so he can say anything.

But "after things go well, does he still acknowledge his old friends?" costs something: if he does, he has to share. "When he's broke, what money won't he take?" costs something too: if he refuses, he goes hungry tonight.

A choice that costs something can't be faked for long. What these eight sentences do is wait for a moment that forces a person to pay, then watch how he pays.

By the way, the same chapter has six more lines about deliberately creating a situation to test someone (make him happy, make him angry, make him afraid, and see if he stays steady). Those go a step further and are more likely to hurt people, so we won't go into them here.

5

How to use it without going wrong

Watch many times, not onceOnce might just be a bad day
Wait, don't pushUntil the situation arrives you can't see it. Rushing won't help
A ruler, not a labelUse it to decide whether to trust someone with a task, not to define who they are
You're being read this way tooThese eight lines point at others, and at you

The last one is the easiest to forget: how you treat old friends when things go well is also being watched.

6

What it can't do

It can't compute a person's fate It doesn't predict the future. It only describes the trade-offs this person has made so far. People change, especially after taking a real beating.

It also shouldn't be used to score or rank people. Using it to declare someone "hopeless" or "finished" means taking a ruler made for measuring tasks and using it on people, and the more you do, the narrower your view gets.

Its real use is small and practical: deciding whether to hand one specific thing to this person.
So what do these eight lines actually say?
What a person is like isn't written in his words.
It's written in the choice he makes each time his situation changes.
What you need to do isn't ask. It's wait, then watch.
UP NEXT

Why We Can Always Find an Excuse

An excuse is a board between you and "I can't". How it differs from lying, why tight money makes it worse, and the one fix with evidence behind it.

No. 14 · 5 minKeep going →
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